A Day in the Life: First Year Introductions

"I have character traits! I'm clumsy! That's a trait, right?"

I routinely embarrass myself in public. I’m not adorably clumsy or anything nice like that, I’m just a straight-up idiot. Further, I am one of those people who can simply think of something embarrassing and re-live the same degree of embarrassment. It took me nearly two years to stop cringing when I think of the time my idiot brain decided it was a good idea to tell our crush we liked him… it wasn’t.

"What's up we're 2NE1!!" - God I love them

So come the first day of University I found myself in a dress sitting awkwardly on the grass behind our residence building in a circle with the rest of the people from our dorm floor. We then proceeded to endure the routine icebreakers that accompany large groups of gathering strangers.

Most people said that they had a certain sport they liked, spoke multiple languages, or backpacked around Europe with their bros during the summer. When it came to be my turn I was determined to make a fresh impression. This, I thought, was my chance to start fresh and evolve from an asocial nerd to a flirty party girl.

This trash is what came out of my mouth —> “I like to listen to Korean pop!”

"Jim...? What's going Jim? OMG JIM! PUT THAT AWAY!"

Are you face-palming right now? I know I am. Way to sit your black a$$ down with a bunch of rich white kids and tell them you listen to asian pop.

But someone up there must love me, because my open nerdy expression helped me make other nerdy friends, AND friends who could both party and be nerdy, possibly simultaneously. So the lesson here? Guess all that crap they teach you in school about being yourself actually has some merit. Unless of course you’re into getting freaky with animals… you should keep that to yourself.

A Day in the Life: The first time I got drunk

Let me start by saying, I am incredibly boring. Less now than I was in high school. But overall, I’m not too exciting. When I got to university I was determined to change this. Suffice to say despite my poor first impression there were people who actually still ended up liking me. This simply tells me that my friends either have poor judgement, or are insane.

But that’s all for another time, this is about the first time I got drunk. Or at least, the earliest memory of I have of being drunk.

How do you say "this was a bad idea?" in japanese?

We did this international themed floor crawl where each room does an alcohol of a different country and shares it with everyone on the floor. My friend and I did Japan because we’re cool like that. My shit-eating fat bitch of a roommate was supposed to help, but she’s a stupid slutty whore, so she didn’t. Yeah, if you couldn’t tell, we don’t get along.

Everyone got shit faced. I was rolling around on my friend’s bed with my legs in the air, and spent a good portion of time sitting in the hallway remarking on how everything was spinning. All the while, I had a ripped t-shirt with the Japanese flag on it wrapped around my head. Then I went to bed. Lucky me, my bed happened to be a loft bed. I climbed up without accident, then 20 minutes later threw up in the hallway in front of my room, and then all over the toilet in the washroom across from my room.

If your Persian floormmate offers you some 'rocket fuel', take it from me, just say no

In the morning I was so proud of myself for not throwing up in our room. I boasted happily to my roommate who complained about the smell. But I never complained about the amount of dick she sucks, and how much space her fat ass takes up, so honestly it was uncalled for. Suffice to say, I hated her more.

What did I learn? Bailey’s is horrible, Whiskey tastes even worse, putting food colouring in poorly mixed coke and rum is pretty terrible, my friend and I are obviously the only people that know how to mix drinks, and when your entire floor is drunk off their asses you take group pictures you never would have otherwise.