PS…

I GOT A MAC BITCHESSSSSS ❤

It’s so fancy and expensive, and is the same computer like 75% of the people at my school have. Now I can fit in with the rest of the blonde-haired, white, rich bitties. Excluding that whole blonde, rich, white part.

I’m a proper oreo now. Double-stuffed even.

OH HI!

I forgot I did this. And by forgot I mean I started school and got lazy. But I’m re-starting my twitter stuff, so I meant as well re-start the blog again.

What’s the thing you need when you blog? Consistency? Yeah, I’m not even going to pretend I have that ability. But I do so enjoy talking about myself, so maybe this time I can properly combine my love of writing, talking about myself, and pretending to be funny.

That’ll make this blog a success I think… however you succeed at a blog about nothing but yourself. Meaning not ever succeeding ever.

These sites run my life

1. Pinterest – amazing. This is the most amazing site ever. I could spend hours on this site. This site, is like housewife porn. It’s all pictures so I don’t have to use brain power to enjoy it. It saves me from bookmarking every cool thing I find on the internet. AND it lets me look at wedding dresses without being creepy and over-eager by actually searching for wedding dresses.

2. College Candy – I love this site. When I found this site before my freshman year of college it was like God was shining a light down of the Google search bar and saying “GO! Go and read sex tips you can never follow because you’re perpetually single! GOOOOOOOO.” It’s got actual college advice, funny things, celebrity news, hell even some current event things. As a plus, I write for it. And by write for it, I mean I wrote one article which got no traffic and am stewing on a second one.

3. DavidSoComedy on YouTube – Okay, so his channel doesn’t run my life. But I watch every single video he posts on his channel. This guy is so goddamn hilarious I want to marry him and murder him out of jealousy simultaneously. Also, he sings. Like really well. Like, I just jizzed in my panties good.

Is it bad if…

… I really want to be famous?

I won’t pretend. No matter how shy or soft spoken I come across, I am still an only child, and therefore a giant attention whore. The new accessibility of fame via the internet in combination with my normal mundane life has instilled in me a large desire to be known by at least 50% of the Joe Blows I meet on the street.

He makes it look so easy...

So the first place I went was You Tube, where I made a series of  loosely college-themed videos that my college friends then found, watched in front of me, and basically embarrassed me so much I deleted all the videos… yeah… I love my friends. So I recently made another attempt where I spend 4+ hours (F@ck me) filming a skit I wrote, thinking maybe I could go the Shane Dawson ala SNL route. Only to find out that I have the acting talent of a porno actress. Not even a well known porno actress, more like an ‘internet only’ one.

It's not crazy that a bought a pair of sunglasses that look just like yours so we could have a matching pair right? ... right?

I don’t even have to sit myself down and have a heart-to-heart to realize that a large amount of the things I do are centered around fame. Yet, my inherent elitism has prevented me from doing things like jumping in front of cameras, or posting titty shots on the internet to gain my five-minutes. Though I will say that at the Glee Live Concert I spent a lot of time deciding whether or not I would tackle Darren Criss to the ground as he ran by my seat. After reasoning that this might cause my future husband to be displeased with me I decided against it. But nonetheless, the thought was there…

I’m not insane, I just have a history of schizophrenia in my family. So in that way, maybe one day I’ll be able to convince myself I’m married to him… without actually marrying him. Am I convincing anyone?

A Day in the Life: Writing a novel… about werewolves

When I was in high school I was part of a writers group where we would regularly share things we had written and given each other critiques. Somewhere between writing horrible emo shorts and actual good writing I began writing a novel. So naturally I was asked quite often when mentioning this novel, “what’s it about?”

To which I would reply… “werewolves”

To which they would reply “oh, cool.” Translation: Stephanie Meyer wannabee holy crap she must be writing some terrible Mary-Sue pseudo Bella-Edward romance bullshit.

I often thought of finding a better way to describe the novel, but anything else I came up with seemed like a blatant lie. It’s a book about werewolves… not much else. Suffice to say after being rightfully rejected by literary agents I have set about fixing the book. By fixing it I mean, adding as many other elements as possible so it becomes less of a book about werewolves, and more of a “fantasy” book.

So next time people ask me what my novel is about I can proudly say…

“werewolves… and other stuff… not vampires.”

And I stick by that, no f*cking vampires. None! Werewolves, yes. Witches, yes. Faeries, maybe… okay no, no faeries either. Werewolves, witches, guns, and bitches. that’s it!

Can’t play sims 3 anymore, no longer know what to do with life

Oh Possible-Future-Drew, you were going to be a whore with a heart of gold

I recently got back into playing the Sims. For the first time ever I had, not only one, but two sims with fulfilled lifetime wishes, an alternative prom queen daughter, another genius bookworm daughter, and a happy baby boy named Drew. Then EA f@cked me up the a$$ with some glitch that caused by beautiful baby boy to disappear. So I am forced to leave the sims until a new update and start participating in my real life again.

I miss my baby boy, I was going to make him a bisexual stylist whose greatest ambition would be to WooHoo with twenty different sims. He was going to be the apple of my eye…

Now that I’m back in the real world I have turned to TV and my still-failing-to-be-popular-in-any-way-probably-because-it-has-werewolves-omg-I-am-so-mad-at-Stephanie-Meyer-right-now novel. You know what’s the worst part about writing a novel? Realizing that no one but you wants to read it. F@ck I miss the sims, real life is cruel and Darren Criss still isn’t magically madly in love with me.

What’s that quote about losers…?

Winners never lose and loser never win? Or is it “the only difference between winners and losers is that losers give up?”

Well… it’s something like that. Honestly I’ll be the first to admit that I give up easily. Even more, I also get bored easily. Once more, I’m rejection-sensitive and after a single rejection am prone to shying away from the possibility of more rejection.

So when I wrote an article for a blog and got no response back I assumed I had failed and was ready to give up completely. But some magical force (READ: the fact that I told all my friends I would be writing for this blog) pushed me to give it another try and lo and behold some things had gotten lost in translation and my article will be up by the end of the week.

It’s pretty easy to be a loser, and harder to be a winner, but you do get a lot more a$$ when you’re a winner. Just ask Tiger Woods… omgdidyouseewhatijustdidthere?